NEWSFLASH: you are going to die

Rewind...

It all started with the trip to Miami for the Advanced Intensive (for yoga, of course) last year. On my way to Miami, I stopped in Toronto for a night to attend Uncle Bob's 80th birthday bash. Uncle Bob was Pinky Bombmaker's friend's uncle. He was a frail tiny man with a flaming attitude larger than life. He used to come to Calgary during Stampede and we would always go for brunch at the same restaurant. His health deteriorated in the last few years to a point that he was on oxygen full-time and could no longer fly on a plane. So we turned to technology and he would "join" us for brunch via Skype. We always made fun of his non-existent appetite. His typical breakfast included a glass of white wine and two bites of scrambled eggs. It was an ongoing joke with me asking if he ate his breakfast, and he would raise his wine glass and smirk. And at his birthday bash, we crowned him with a tiara that we brought from Calgary. Those were precious moments.

Uncle Bob passed away a few weeks after his birthday bash.

Fast forward a little...

Mom phoned, but not on a Wednesday. Our weekly phone call is always on Wednesday, so I knew something was up.

"Your uncle died."

It takes three to tango (Part 1)

Rewind...

I had a lovely chat with The Divine Miss N before I left for San Marcos, Texas. It's always a real treat to me when I get a chance to speak with someone who understands my intentions but not necessarily agrees with my actions. I was also reminded that the last few entries on my blog sound angry and contain a lot of harsh unfriendly language.

Fast forward...

It's been quite a week. I'm feeling exhausted but content. The Spring intensive in San Marcos with one of my highly regarded teachers, was indeed intense, especially in the first couple of days because I did the asana practice being basically blind (I didn't have my contact lenses). The workshop was inconspicuously emotionally charged and it showed towards the end.

The concept of discernment has been on my mind since the chat with The Divine Miss N. This very concept appeared repeatedly throughout the five days in both the asana portion and the Sanskrit study. In fact, a number of people directly named it in the last two days, when we discussed the different interpretations of alignment of a pose and yogic philosophy.

Since I couldn't see in the first two days, I had to listen and feel a lot more than usual, and I was enabled to reflect.

You will hear what you need to hear if you allow yourself to hear it. When you hear it, pay attention.

To teach or not to teach: the dilemma of a yoga teacher

*possibly my most serious blog to date*

I confess, I'm a big fan of yoga. (Duh!) Not only the physical aspect but also the philosophical spiritual mythology stuff.

I took my very first immersion without even knowing what it was. It was taught by two of my favourite teachers, Captain Kirk and Wonderjordan. They came here to teach a weekend workshop and an immersion, even though that almost didn't happen because of an asshole in our local yoga community. That's also the reason why I chose to take the immersion, just to show that asshole A) she's an asshole, B) we don't need her for the community to exist and grow. In case you don't know, there are a lot of assholes out there, even in the yoga community.

At that time I had no desire to ever become a yoga teacher. In fact, yoga is my means to get as far away from work as possible. But that immersion gave me the first real taste of all eight limbs of yoga, not just asanas. The group in the immersion was small, but it also felt very intimate and it allowed us more space to play and learn.

The rest is history.

But all good things come to an end. The Divine Miss N's studio closed in 2009, the same year when I was publicly humiliated by The Man. All of a sudden "teaching yoga" wasn't that simple any more. By then I've already met quite a number of teachers of various caliber, and experienced episodes of yoga drama. Looking back now, I realize being a yoga teacher does not negate one's disposition of being an abusive, self-serving, pretentious and arrogant asshole. You can have a mind-blowing asana practice and be super well-versed in all the history and philosophy stuff, but still are an abusive, self-serving, pretentious and arrogant asshole, teacher or otherwise.

Taking yoga classes doesn't make you superior to those who don't. And practicing yoga definitely is a lot more than working out. Really, look at the eight limbs of yoga derived from the Patanjali Sutras, asana isn't even the first.

If you are still reading, you are probably wondering, what the fuck is with the rant?

Exclusive interview with Kirk Cameron

[Dear readers, with great honour and explosive pleasure, here it is, from me, Sarcastic Yogi (SG), to you... my first exclusive interview with Kirk Cameron (KC), the alleged reincarnation of the 14th apostle.]

...almost an hour late, finally Kirk Cameron arrived for the interview....

KC: Hi doll! So sorry for being fashionably late. [KC did the vogue dance thing and then struck a pose.]

SG: That's ok and expected. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and on such short notice.

KC: Oh darling, that's fine. I need the press! My schedule is almost always empty except 15 minutes here and there to preach my antiquated judgemental moral value crap. The hardest part was to book my stylist for my hair and makeup. Dear Lord... his schedule is much fuller than mine!... Sarcastic Yogi darling, do you like my hair?

SG: hmm... yeah sure... it looks fine. So you are here to promote your new movie "Banana: The Atheist's Nightmare"... tell us more about it.



KC: Of course, darling. You see how the banana has this thing you can peel back and stuff. So perfectly designed... you just pull it back and expose... pull it back and expose... hmm... yeah baby... eerr... take that, you atheist hater!

SG: I'm not sure if I follow.

Rush Limbaugh and Kirk Cameron, please shut the fuck up.

Many hate-preaching-ignorant-simpleton-assholes like to hide behind Freedom of Speech and the name of God to promote nothing more than prejudice, hatred and segregation of the society. They freely spew out the "truth" as per their own opinions, and demonize anyone who doesn't abide to their *ahem* moral values.

Like I said before, having an opinion does not make you right or an expert.

Seriously, in 2012, these two hypocrite buffoons sexy studs are still trying to push their antiquated judgmental views. When people call on their shit, they claim to be victimized, misunderstood, secretly addicted to pills and midget porn. Whatever.

Rush Limbaugh called a female university student a SLUT because she campaigned to have insurance coverage for birth control. He went on saying "if we are going to pay for your contraceptives, thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it, and I'll tell you what it is: We want you to post videos online so we can all watch."

Kirk Cameron called homosexuality "unnatural" and same-sex marriage "detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization." He went on saying "some people believe my responses were not loving toward those in the gay community. That is not true. I can assuredly say that it's my life's mission to love all people."

Wow. Clearly, these two idiots are made for each other. They should get together, engage in kinky unprotected anal intercourse and call each other "unnatural slut!" when they climax.

I wonder if Rush and Kirk prefer butt plug or anal beads. Do they wear crotchless panties when they do interviews? May be they worship Satan? Naa... even Satan has standards.

Instead of commenting further, I decided to have a poll.

Who is the bigger UNNATURAL SLUT?

The most adorable baby ever.

So cute. I want one!