New and exclusive products from the 3A Yoga Inc.

WARNING: NOT FOR ANYONE SENSITIVE TO POTTY HUMOUR OR TO THE UGLY TRUTH

I am so so so excited to tell you that the 3A Yoga Inc. are bringing out some amazing and groundbreaking yoga products! These exclusive shri-filled products are only available from me, Sarcastic Yogi. You know they will sell out quickly, yes, complete total dharmic sellout. So have your Diners Club Card or Discovery Card handy and prepare to shop at my shri-tail boutique!

The Manduka Evolution Jar of Pubes

I kinda spilled the beans on facebook on this one already. After years of research and erotic massages, it's finally here, The Manduka Evolution Jar of Pubes. This truly is a must-have for all coven leaders and angels. Its unique formula is specifically designed to maximize energy and blood flow in the groin area. The pubes is completely vegan friendly and 99% organic.

Sarcastic Yogi Exclusive Blend of Pubes

I am so excited about having my own blend of pubes for your altar! This signature blend of pubes is the product of shri and intrinsic sweetness of legs opening to grace. It's perfect as a refill to the Manduka Evolution Jar of Pubes. It also comes with a variety of flavour and is a great compliment to tea, coffee, soup and any hummus recipe. No altar or motel room should be without it. This is only a limited-time offer... I am not very hairy.

Here's the testimony from a very satisfied coven angel, The High Priestess of the 3rd Ascension of Babylon:

 "Om, yo' mama, bullshitstinksyaya... blessings to y'all. This is absolutely the best pubes I have ever used in tea or in any coven sex party. Total shri. I love y'all."

The Anus.soya Soy Sauce

Best. Soy. Sauce. Ever. The Grand Magus' brand new signature soy sauce, graciously called Anus.soya, is just that good! The GM spent years to perfect the Anus.soya soy sauce, and dedicated it to his coven angels and shri-mongers, as a thank-you for standing by him through the difficult times, and for being in bed with him over and over again. Look to the highest and plug into the GM, that's grace. The Anus.soya soy sauce has this sophisticated and bold flavour that is fused with the intrinsic sweetness of love and shri. And you guessed right, it's perfect for my exclusive blend of pubes. It is pure orgasmic bliss to your taste buds and will surely explode in your palate!

The Open to Gross line of fragrance

Asshole, by Coven Klein

Ok, I can barely contain myself when I introduce this line of amazing fragance to all self-absorbed, pretentious assholes of gross. They are all designed in collaboration with Coven Klein, a guru in marketing and sexualizing everything. The first one is called "Asshole", a name that reminds me of truth and courage. It really is another must-have for all who lack confidence to speak out. It gives you that little *huuummphhh*, which may just be all you need to point and laugh at the asshole. Total shri.

The Bitch Spray, by Penis Hilton and Coven Klein

This totally hot body mist is another must-have for all shri-kool-aid drinkers. That's hot. Like really. Y'all know you want it. We all do.

The Bitch Spray Deux, by Penis Hilton and Coven Klein

Another amazing creation from Penis Hilton and CK (Coven Klein). Its subtle yet profound hint of a summer's eve is inspired by the douche leader of the kula. No shri-monger can resist its alluring smell.

3A Yoga Inc. and Lickmylemon's Sexy Prêt-à-Porter Line For Men

Breathtaking, elegant, classy yet daring... can barely describe this stunning new line of sexy yoga clothes for men, the bastard lovechild of 3A Yoga Inc. and Lickmylemon. It flawlessly blends sexiness with taste while manages to keep it practical and edgy at the same time. The Lickmylemon signature cutting is beyond perfection. It really accentuates the sexy curves around the first and second chakra, loudly screams "look at my mula bandha! look at my sexy spirals!". You can wear it to a restorative vinyasa class, on the beach in Barbados, or to a coven sex party for a sensual massage. You are sexy, and you know it.

The Prana Magic Wand

Another must-have for all male coven leaders and one of my personal favourite. Lets begin with its perfect vibration of the universe. It's designed to maximize blood flow to our groin to awaken the kundalini energy in the muladhara chakra. Its meticulous contour further enhances energy channeling from the divine to reveal our true light and beauty. What's really amazing is that it is also perfect for sex therapy to treat migraine and childhood trauma. I can't imagine any restorative class can do without the Prana Magic Wand. It literally brings the big O to Om. Total bliss.

To order, please send cash directly to Wonky Friedtrout, my beloved assistant, before April 30, or simply leave your Diners Club Card or Discovery Card information in the comment section below.

Blessings to y'all. Namaste.