Breaking up is hard to do

And I swear you're just like a pill

Instead of making me better

You keep making me ill
 You keep making me ill

- Alecia Moore

The title originally was It takes three to tango (Part 3): unconditional love, blind devotion, codependency. But it's just ridiculously long and who knows how much rambling I'd end up doing. So I circumsized it. If the title scares you, you probably should stick around because you know I'm onto something. Whether you agree or not... well, that's a different conversation.

2012 was a year of revelation, reflection and awakening for many, particularly for us who were caught in the Chernobyl of yoga aka the meltdown of the 3A yoga Inc. Many assholes were exposed (I love the imagery) and many of the cool crowd turned out not so cool after all. Who knew some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John modeled the 3A yoga inc. after a polygamist cult: an unattractive creepy sexual predator as the leader with a tight group of blind followers, all in the name of serving the highest and the divine. What the leader says is gospel even though it has an auspicious amount of self-serving bullshit. Of course the leader has his own little coven with his hand picked angels, and he has a whole lot of them to pick and choose from. If you are in bed with the leader figuratively and literally, congratulations, you are in on the gravy train. You don't have to worry a thing because the other non-favourable wives will take care of the undesirable chores. And if the leader feels threatened by you, off you go because you are excommunicated. Lets not forget about the bickering and hair-pulling amongst the wives because they want to the top wives. Look at that sexy face of some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John, who doesn't want to bang him?

By the way, rumour says he has no testicles and his actions totally support that. But you'd have to ask one of his coven angels to find out.

It's fair to say many of us are survivors of this polygamist cult after waking up and smelling the bullshit. Many of us left and are glad to have done so. It's both sad and comical to see the wannabe opportunistic bitches embarrassingly preach for love and compassion... all that for the hope to grab the once prestige front row seats at the feet of some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John, or to sell their stupid books or membership of the teacher-led ASHY polygamist cult, or some other hidden agenda bullshit.

So fucking gross.

It should also be quite obvious that I have developed an acute interest in human relationship, and not only in people shagging up but also how and why they do what they do. What happened a year ago was a nasty divorce, and there were many nasty divorces in the 3A yoga polygamist kula. My days as a yoga teacher had enabled me to be more observant of people's behaviour. It is very true that actions speak louder than words, and the truth can be painful and ugly. The Chernobyl in yoga in 2012 really made me re-evaluate my relationships with people, particularly yoga teachers both local and far far away. I found a few interesting things.

Unconditional love, much like the testicles of some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John, simply doesn't exist.

Or perhaps it does exist but it has an expiry date.

Right about now all the mothers are probably lining up at my door with pitchforks and torches.

"I would do anything for my baby!"

True, we've all heard of stories about a parent throwing him/herself in front of an attacking tiger or a MacDonalds double cheese burger to protect his/her young child. But we rarely ever hear an old lady jumps into a raging river to save her grown son.

"That's preposterous! An old lady can't just jump into a raging river!"

So I guess good ol' granny has unconditional love for her son as long as it doesn't involve jumping or bending forward.... hmm, that sounds like a condition to me. Perhaps when good ol' granny was younger, she would jump into the river. But as time passes, the applicable scope of her unconditional love shrinks. She might still be full of love (or full of it in my case), but it's no longer unconditional. Having tons of love doesn't mean it's unconditional. D'oh!

Even an all-you-can-eat buffet has conditions. You can't bring your own doggy bags and fill them up while dining at Yummy Piggy Pig-out Chow Chow Diner Buffet. We've all heard some guy got banned from a buffet because he ate too much. So it isn't really all-you-can-eat, but rather all-you-can-eat-until-we-kick-you-out.

In case you wonder, yes, you are correct. I have tremendous respect for my grannies. They are both dead and I am very grateful for that.

Please, no more gibberish about unconditional love unless someone can prove to me that some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John actually has testicles, ok?

Fast forward just ever so slightly... 

I also realized how unhealthy and ubiquitous blind devotion is.

Hanuman is one of my favourite Hindu deities. He's all kinds of awesomeness: an incarnation of Shiva, the son of Vayu, a shapeshifter with crazy super powers. He's also the symbol of devotion. He's so devoted to Rama that he would lop off a mountain, have his tail set on fire, and bloody hell, he even had Rama stuck right in his chest. Seriously, Rama could count on Hanuman for anything:

"Hey monkey dude, go fetch me some medicine!"
"Hey monkey dude, go jump across the ocean!"
"Hey monkey dude, go save my wife!"

But was Rama equally devoted to Hanuman? If Rama ripped open his chest, would we see a monkey head with laser beams shooting out? Or did the monkey dude voluntarily get the short end of the stick? One might argue that you simply do not expect anything in return when you are devoted to someone. I suppose that one's personal choice, but you have to remember this is poor investment of your time and energy at best. The worst thing is: what if the one you are blindly devoted to turn out to be some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John?

Like I said, I began questioning my relationships with people, particularly yoga teachers both local and far away after the meltdown of the 3A yoga inc. I observed, took notes, contemplated and paused.

Everyone deserves a chance to redeem him/herself.

We are all creatures of habit. I guess that somehow can turn into a blinding spell which common sense and reasoning is thrown out of the window. We make excuses (oh that's just John being John!) and ignore the obvious shortcomings (oh John just had yet another bad day!). We don't want to rock the boat or point out the elephant in the room. We have been conditioned to not question.

Fast forward a little...

It's dangerous to automatically assume you and your teacher are friends. That's because the relationship begins as a transaction between a service provider and a customer. Of course many teachers and students become friends, but that takes time and doesn't always happen. Equally dangerous is to instantly assume your teacher cares about you. The good ones certainly do, but the crappy ones don't. The crappy ones may be able to do crazy yoga poses or a fluffy "dharma talk about relationship" that costs $10 per sucker, but they are still crappy teachers.

Another common misconception: just because someone has been teaching for a long time, it doesn't mean he/she is a good teacher or fit for teaching. It only means he/she has the luck to have a great supply of blind students. By the same token, just because you've been going to the same teacher forever, it doesn't mean he/she is a good teacher or a good fit for you.

When the teaching becomes both uninspired and uninspiring, or when you feel like utter crap after a class, it's time to reassess and look for alternatives.

I did.

Devotion shouldn't be blind and shouldn't require us to compromise our integrity.

This also makes me wonder why the shritards would unabashedly turn a blind eye on the ugly truth and choose to support the asshole. Why are they so enthusiastic about being one of the many wives in the polygamist cult even they know the ugly truth? Or do they believe in unconditional love and blind devotion so much that having a codependent relationship with the asshole is a natural progression? Or they don't want to acknowledge the fact that they are suckers? Low self-esteem? Fear? Shame? A front row seat in the kula? A ticket for the gravy train? Books and ASHY membership to sell?

While most of us are still processing, some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John has already recruited new coven angels and started the next generation of his polygamist cult. His vital yoga defence team is out in full force to restore his glory as I type on my old laptop.

Breaking up is hard to do, just not for the asshole guru named John who has no testicles.