Clairvoyance of reality: do you see what I see?

At the time of writing, that annoying thing called Christmas was still going on. But I am no Grinch! First of all, I wish I were a mean or lean one like Grinch. Second, I do not have disorderly eyebrows like he does. Third and most importantly, I don't sneak around people's houses without my pants. Seriously, why doesn't Grinch ever wear pants, even when he dresses as Satan Santa? Imagine sitting on the lap of a fat bearded guy who has no pants on, and he tells you that you've been naughty... that's just a little too kinky.

And to further prove that I'm not some skinny green man with no pants on, I will lovingly start this blog with a quote of a song generally perceived as about the birth of Jesus:
  

"Said the night wind to the little lamb 

Do you see what I see? 

Way up in the sky little lamb 

Do you see what I see? 

A star, a star dancing in the night 

With a tail as big as a kite" - Noël Regney

Seriously, you have to be on acid to think that you're the night wind and ask a lamb if it sees what you see. A kite as big as the tail a comet? That's just trippy. And unless you're high on something, who would fly a kite in the middle of the night while talking to a lamb?

The reality is: this song is about LSD. I can only speculate why people want to do LSD around Christmas time.

Rewind a whole bunch...

I joined a mentoring program at work a while back. I asked my mentor to give me constructive feedback without sugarcoating, and boy oh boy did he ever. He even picked on my clothes because I dressed "too casual" for work. Before I unleashed the sarcastic beast on his bitch ass, he explained that perception was everything. I should be cognizant of others' perception because their perception becomes their reality.

Instead of making fun of his choice of wearing white sports socks with ugly black shoes, I decided to do a little experiment and teach him a lesson later on the detrimental results of making fun of my avant garde fashion sense.

I bought a bunch of shirts, pants and skirts for business women from Victoria's Secret. Oh, I bought some power suits, too, designed for business women of course. I began dressing like a sexy, sophisticated, serious, strong business woman... I think I was actually reenacting the movie "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion", or perhaps I was trying to imitate Karen Walker from "Will and Grace"... anyway, I noticed the tone of my cowokers' voices began to change. They also responded to my emails faster. When I needed something done, they never missed a deadline. My new look as a sexy, sophisticated, serious, strong business woman seemingly had made an impact on my coworkers.

Note to self: I need to get more miniskirts and blazers with huge shoulder pads.

Sarcastic Yogi in his wondrously sexy, sophisticated, serious, strong business woman attire

Fast forward a little...

I went to Mexico with my friends for some well deserved R & R a while back. I had been looking forward to the trip since July, and naturally I told some of my coworkers about my impending getaway. Ever since I took on the new persona of a sexy, sophisticated, serious, strong business woman, they became more and more curious about me... actually scratch that, they became obsessed with me. They were intrigued by my transformation from a Sukmylemon-wearing valley girl to a sexy, sophisticated, serious, strong business woman. They kept asking about my trip to Mexico.

Some people have to know everything about everyone. Not that they care, they are just nosy. They irritate me like a canker sore underneath my tongue when I am PMS-ing.

So I decided to kick my experiment up a notch. I wouldn't give them a straight answer about my trip. But I would make comments about wedding cakes or ask if they like the gift registry at Home Outfitters. Then I changed my status on Facebook to "married". I wore a $20 silver ring on my ring finger on the first day back to work after the trip . That sent them into a gossipy frenzy. They concluded that I was someone who just had a beautiful destination wedding in Mexico.

That $20 ring was more powerful than the One Ring in Lord of the Rings.

Their perception became their reality.

Keeping it real! Realistic perceptual illusion FTW, bitches!

Fast forward exactly 15 ounces...

Almost everything we do is a play with perception and reality. In many instances they are one yet they are not. Let's use a yoga class as an example. The moment you think about what to wear for your class you have already entered into this play. The colour of your Sukmylemon yoga pants has nothing to do with what your body does in an asana. But ya gotta look sexy in a yoga class because ya know everyone will be looking at you, right? Unless somehow the colour see-through has a smaller impact than white spandex on your downward dog, your reality at that moment is based on your perception of others' perception of you.

A reality based on a perception of a perception... isn't that a scary thought?

How about those people in the room who can do crazy ass poses? Strangely their ability of doing mandalasana becomes a criterion of others' self assessment. But the reality is what they can do has nothing to do with what you can do, except perhaps as a source of inspiration or reference. Of course the teacher is perceived as an authority and as someone who knows everything. In reality he/she may know nothing about teaching yoga even though he/she blabbers a shit load of Sanskrits. Or he/she may have been teaching for a thousand years, but he/she is still a shitty teacher. Equating gibberish blabbering or experience with excellence is a very common perceived reality. I have seen a yoga teacher listing 18 hours of anatomy workshop and 2 years of weekly classes in her bio. She's gone to an 18-hour anatomy workshop, she's gotta be a great teacher, right?

Or the teacher can be perceived as a sex therapist but he really is some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John... I can go on.

Since I've been yammering about perception and stuff, I've gotta mention illusion. Some suggest "all is illusion", meaning perception and illusion are the same, and reality doesn't exist. I'm not a monk... well I can never be a monk. No internet porn or masturbation? Forget it!... anyway, "all is illusion" is the basis of many traditions and belief systems. I can neither fully agree nor disagree with the idea. Perception is based on experience and knowledge. That's how those nosy bitches at work made the connection between my $20 ring and my beautiful destination wedding in Mexico. Their experience and knowledge are real to them, therefore what they perceive is a reality to them as well. But their reality is created from their perception based on an illusion of me getting married in Mexico, created by my $20 ring which is a reality and my trip to Mexico which also is a reality... hey little lamb, do you see what I see? 

Fast forward another 2 stone 6...

Many make new year resolutions like "I'll lose weight" and "I'll quit smoking". The common perception is "I have a flaw that I need to fix". Making a new year resolution creates an illusion that "I will have my flaw fixed". I am willing to bet my third testicle that most of these resolutions will not become reality, because THAT is a reality. But if the illusion gives people some comfort and amusement, is that wrong?

I think I'll end this blog here before it turns into an endless blabbering on perception and stuff.

I know y'all just dying to know if I got really married in Mexico, right? ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ I can't remember.

Happy new year, little lambs!