Multiple personality disorder in a
relationship (Part 1 of Part 2): the one you love is an asshole
Lets get this out of the way, I am
no guru *cough* of relationship. Actually, I’m not a guru *cough*
of anything.
Unlike Dr. Phil, I don’t pretend to
be an expert in things that I don’t know much about and I still have hair on my
head. You just wait, he’ll soon be selling hair growth products and lecturing
on how to perform lobotomy with only a tampon.
Having an opinion doesn’t make you
an expert, I wish more people realized that.
Rewind...
Just like everyone else, I have
baggage, demons and skeletons in the closet, mostly from my childhood. As a
child, by instinct you look to your parents for guidance and love. We were all naive
and uncontaminated once. Obviously things don’t always turn out the way you
want or expect.
Fast forward...
What if the one you love is an
asshole?
This is not even a hypothetical
question. It’s a reality. By default, there’s an asshole in any relationship,
at least that’s what I think.
For example, my dad is an asshole in
our relationship. I never thought of him as an asshole when I was a child. He
taught me lessons about life by being an asshole, and me witnessing the
consequences of being an asshole. He provided me with an opportunity to figure
out who I am as a person, though sometimes the journey was filled with blood
and tears.
Finally came the day when I realized
that my dad was an asshole. That was the same day I flicked my forehead and
said, “how could I be so blind!”
You see, we all have this gift
called “gut feeling”. With the exception of the few times that it turns into
explosive diarrhea, usually it’s a sign that says “pay attention”. But often we
ignore it or try to explain or justify it. Don’t you rock the boat!
According to some self-help
psychology guru *cough*, when we realize that the one we love is an
asshole, we go through the same old seven stages of grief, just like my friend
Princess Madgelover did when Oprah decided to end her talk show.
All your baggage, demons and
skeletons in your closet play a huge role here, of course. Interestingly
enough, both The Asshole and The Other Person go through the same stages, though
their actions might differ, and both skip and move around the seven stages.
Not perfect, but it’s a start. At least this puts things in some context and gives us something to work with.
1) Shock & Denial
The Asshole: “Lies! All lies!
Twisted exaggerations put out of context! These attacks are unsubstantiated!”
The Other Person: “I know what you
are thinking... his pants are down and he is standing behind a sheep... but
it’s not what it seems! He’s innocent! You are the pervert!”
Sarcastic Yogi: “Are you fucking
kidding me!?”
2) Pain & Guilt
The Asshole: “I apologize for
opening myself up to the negative energy. I am sorry for getting caught.”
The Other Person: “Uh oh! What does
that say about me? Why didn’t I speak up? What is wrong with me? I am stupid!
Baaaaah...”
Sarcastic Yogi: “Skipping this and
going straight to stage 3.”
3) Anger & Bargaining
The Asshole: “How dare you truth
seekers tell the real truth but not the fake truth!... and oh honey, I promise
I will stop [blah blah blah] if you [yada yada yada]...”
The Other Person: “How could you?! I
love you! Asshole!”
Sarcastic Yogi: “Chop off his nuts
and hang the bitch!”
4) Depression, Reflection &
Loneliness
The Asshole: “Oh no... I am an
asshole! Oh no!...”
The Other Person: “Oh no... they
were all true... he really is an asshole! What am I going to do?”
Sarcastic Yogi: ”At least I’m honest
about me being an asshole...”
5) The Upward Turn
The Asshole: “I suppose I should
clean up this mess?”
The Other Person: “May be it’s time
to confront the asshole...”
Sarcastic Yogi: ”Ha! Told you so! Na
na na na na na... ok, I feel better now.”
6) Reconstruction & Working
Through
The Asshole: “I suppose I am sorry.”
The Other Person: “I suppose I can
leave...”
Sarcastic Yogi: ”I want cake...”
7) Acceptance & Hope
The Asshole: “I really fucked up.”
The Other Person: “I am leaving.”
Sarcastic Yogi: ”I want more cake...”
What a mess.
The Asshole has been identified. Now what?
(end of part 1 of part 2)
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