Sunday, 9 September 2012

In memoriam: 3A Not-a-cult Yoga Inc. (1997 - 2012)

[WARNING: not suitable to those with no sense of humour or faint of heart, you know, the usual stuff]

Wassup? Wassup? I was away on vacation and came back to the newest transformation of the coven! Yup, the final nail of the coffin of 3A Not-a-cult Yoga Inc was nailed by none other than the GM himself! Please note I make no references to nailing or urethra massaging of any kind.

Anyway, even more great news: the GM is starting his own new yoga gig after completely ditching his die-hard 3A shri-mongers!

A very bold move. Bravo, Clifford! It is indeed time to replace the old lambs with fresh ones. Why be loyal when you can cheat, on your girlfriends and others?

In memory of the death of 3A Not-a-cult Yoga Inc, and of course in celebration of the GM's new gig, I present to you a collage of photos that captured some of the most inspiring moments in its short shri-filled life. There are things that should not be forgotten. Of course, whatever emotions or memories they dig up, yes, they are your own responsibility and projection of your own shit. Please don't point fingers.

A picture is worth a thousand words. Body language can be quite telling.

PS: Suggestions of captions are most definitely welcome!

Caption 1) "I am just adorable! Don't you want me?"
Caption 2) "Who could resist such a pretty face?"
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "I <3 big melons."
Caption 2) "You need to be at least a D-cup to be my coven angel."
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "This is how you hold the auspicious jugs in your hands."
Caption 2) "Yes, you still need to be at least a D-cup to be my coven angel."
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Yeah man, those boobs were this big!"
Caption 2) "Look, I already told you, minimum D-cup!"
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Sorry, there is a minimum D-cup requirement to be my coven angel."
Caption 2) "I'll still do you."
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Ok, you will feel my hands pushing you down. I need to know how good you are at waking up my one-eyed snake kundalini energy. That's part of the coven angel entry exam."
Caption 2) "You still need to be a D-cup to be my coven angel."
Caption 3) _______

Caption 1) "Her boobs were huge! I had to hold one with both hands."
Caption 2) "Then I just held her head with both hands and pushed her down to meet my root chakra."
Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "I was like WTF, I am the Grand Magus! I am supposed to get sensual massages from the angels! What is their problem?"
Caption 2) "I just don't understand what the big deal is. Ok, I screwed my students and staff. So what? I'll change the code of ethics. Whatever. Sheesh!"
 Caption 3) _______

Caption 1) "Holy shit! This is like the XXX version of Disneyland!"
Caption 2) "I didn't grab your boob. I was just checking your shoulder loop."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "This is how you perform urethra massage when she's upside down."
Caption 2) "Put your fingers here. She'll thank you later for curing her migraine."
Caption 3) _______
 Caption 1) "Ok, you are going to feel my kundalini energy poking between your shoulder blades while I'm holding your pelvis. That's normal, I am the Grand Magus."
Caption 2) "She's probably just a A-cup... but I'll still do her."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "I don't care that you look like a horse. I'm horny. I'll do your whole family."
Caption 2) "Come on! Kiss me! Nobody can resist the sexiness of the Grand Magus!"
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Those anal beads feel so good!"
Caption 2) "Explosive orgasmic bliss. So shri."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "I can still taste her in my mouth..."
Caption 2) "hmmm... yummy sexy coven angels..."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Oh puleeese, girlfriend! I have the perfect yogi body! I do an asana practice once a month. I am the guru! I am the shit!"
Caption 2) "No worries at all. I'll just change the code of ethics as I see fit."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Dear Shiva, please save me from this mess, please keep the shri-mongers blind and stupid, please shut up those damn Expats... oh dear Shakti, call me when you are single."
Caption 2) "If I pray hard enough, may be they will forget all the shit I've done."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Can you see my auspicious jar of pubes?"
Caption 2) "Yes, I worship anything that will bring me cash and sexy young angels. I'll even get on my knees and do whatever it takes."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "OMG! The mermaids want me!"
Caption 2) "So horny right now..."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Yeah, half a million worth of flowers and shit!"
Caption 2) "I am so stoned... who's Kelly Haas?"
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "Dude, I once smoked a doobie this long!"
Caption 2) "Yes, I do pray that one day I'd be this hung."
 Caption 3) _______

 Caption 1) "So sexy..."
Caption 2) "So shri..."
 Caption 3) _______

Caption 1) "Whatever dude, I'm stoned and don't give a shit!"
Caption 2) "Whatever dude, I own the trademark and company! I'll do whatever I want. Screw those Expats!"
 Caption 3) _______

BONUS vintage clip from the GM. So shri. Enjoy.

John Friend Rants from Pierre on Vimeo.

Open to grace and shri, you'll find peace, or a piece of something.


  1. Oy--you went over the top--and most of the people that I know that were on the coven are probably A cups....

    1. sorry michelle, D-cup minimum per strict instruction from the GM... but then again, we all know the GM makes exceptions as he sees fit