Wednesday, 17 October 2012

I hate everyone... starting with anger management fascists

"Psychologists tell us that depression is just anger turned inward, but I say, why waste your time? It is what it is and quite frankly I'd rather be angry than depressed. Why? Because antidepressants like Prozac, Wellbutrin and Zoloft can cause bloating... and I hate bloating!!!" - Joan Rivers

Gotta hand it to Joan. She tells like it is, no fluff, no shri, no sugarcoated shit sandwiches. I wonder what she'd say to some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John.

Recently two well known yoga teachers, Spicy Hello Kitty and The Yogi Muse, wrote about anger but from two different perspectives. I, Sarcastic Yogi, figured I'd throw in my two cents, not that what I say carries as much weight, nor would I put myself in the same league as they are... shit, I'm like a dung beetle compared to Spicy Hello Kitty and The Yogi Muse. I love shit. I embrace shit. I am the embodiment of shit. I can't live without shit. But that's a different conversation.

A while back I taught a little show-n-tell about yoga at work and got gently reamed out by a local teacher because of it. You can read about it here. Not to open an old wound... trust me, I'm going somewhere with this blog. I don't shoot blanks.

So yes, I was angry when I wrote it. If yoga were meant to get rid of anger, it certainly wasn't working. Hmm... I must be doing it wrong! I was supposed to be all zen and compassionate and lovey dovey like a hippie high on love and marijuana... Oh my loin! Bless me, guru, for I have sinned! I failed to repress my anger! Hot damn, I am not yogic because I was angry! I failed yoga! Baaaaah!


What's yoga? What is yoga in the Western world? What is yoga in the Western world now? Yoga in the Western world 20, 30 years ago was a very different thing. Back then "inspired" was not a designation that required a licensing agreement. There was no "Yoga Journal conference" or "Wanderlust". There was no Manduka super black mat or Evolution jar of pubes. "Yoga for golfer" or "something something yoga dot com inc." was practically unheard of.

Today yoga is sexy. It's where people go to hook up or recruit coven angels. It's about a room full of sweaty tight toned bodies in skimpy tight Lululemon shorts. It's being groomed to be a competition event in the next Olympics. It's about branding, franchising and selling your pubes in jars. It's about getting a title like "Swami Springer Sisters", or "Guru Lickmyonion", or "Crusty Nono Myass". It's about showing off some crazy postures that put the Cirque du Soleil dancers to shame. It's a luxurious vacation in some all-inclusive resort in Barbados with hot mermaids. It's some white dude demanding to be addressed by the Hindu name he picked. Shit, if all fail, create your own cult religion, or copyright your ass movement sequence and call it "the roots" "the vomit".

Hmm... that doesn't sound very sexy at all.

Fast forward...

Some of us have been labeled as non-yogic because we have the ability to feel anger.

I have this to say to the anger management fascists assholes: I am angry not because I am not compassionate or non-yogic. I am angry because you are an asshole and you are pissing me off.

There! I said it, and probably for many of you who are a little classier than I am... I mean, preaching for anger repression is just sick and manipulative in so many ways. First, don't tell me how I should feel and don't judge me for my feelings. More importantly, anger is not the appendix in our body which yoga practice is the appendectomy, or worse yet an involuntary circumcision (male and female) to get rid of something that is a natural part of us. Anger is in all of us for a reason... actually probably several. It teaches us the importance of discipline. It helps us fight for justice and protect our loved ones. It reminds us that we are human. It invites self reflection (why do I feel angry? what can I do about it?). It even inspires us to evolve. How's that bad and non-yogic? By the same argument, stop being so happy because it makes you ungrounded and obnoxious. That is just not yogic.

These shri-mongering hypocrite assholes are the cancer of the yoga community, and the rest of world when you include the snobs, the shitty asshole parents and such. They really give yoga teachers a very bad rap. A lot of hard-working, well-respected, authentic, all-in-all amazing yoga teachers are suffering because of them. These assholes think they are holier than us, prancing around with their noses in the air like they are having a nosebleed... because they are compassionate and forgiving and shit.

Bitch please!  

If they want to talk about anger management, or ahimsa, let's start with them stopping that condescending pretentious arrogant tone! Why do they all talk like they are the second coming of Jesus while shooting rainbow-coloured gerbils out of their asses? These assholes' inflated egos have gotten so big that not only they think they are the spokespersons of... *ahem*... "profound grace and beauty", they actually think they created yoga and the universe. Gag me, please!

This one takes the cake... some so-called yogi demanded a minimum of 8,000€ for a workshop in Greece where many unemployed people there would kill for a job that pays 800€ a month. You can find out more here. How can anyone not be angry when you see something like this? And who is this asshole yoga teacher?

I guess he/she just found a new energy lock: Moolah Bandha. Is this yogic?

Repressing anger doesn't make you a super yogi. It only means you are as alive as a piece of used toilet paper. But worse yet, criticizing others for feeling their feelings, or invalidating others' emotions, is just another form of manipulation laced with arrogance. I suppose it's their choice to support some womanizing pretentious doughy manipulative abusive cult-loving lying cheating asshole guru named John. This kind of blame diversion disguised in sweet, fluffy, lovey dovey language is frankly nauseating. It's like blaming the wife for being a distrustful prima donna when she finds out her husband is cheating on her. You might as well have a cheating allowance clause in the pre-nup contract. 

Please don't call me non-yogic, because that really makes me angry. You sure don't want to be non-yogic by making someone angry, right?

PS: did I sound like a little angry? Perhaps... I'll be heading to my folks' tomorrow to look after my mom. I might be a tad emotionally unstable at the moment. You can find out why here.