I had a lovely chat with The Divine Miss N before I left for San Marcos, Texas. It's always a real treat to me when I get a chance to speak with someone who understands my intentions but not necessarily agrees with my actions. I was also reminded that the last few entries on my blog sound angry and contain a lot of harsh unfriendly language.
It's been quite a week. I'm feeling exhausted but content. The Spring intensive in San Marcos with one of my highly regarded teachers, was indeed intense, especially in the first couple of days because I did the asana practice being basically blind (I didn't have my contact lenses). The workshop was inconspicuously emotionally charged and it showed towards the end.
The concept of discernment has been on my mind since the chat with The Divine Miss N. This very concept appeared repeatedly throughout the five days in both the asana portion and the Sanskrit study. In fact, a number of people directly named it in the last two days, when we discussed the different interpretations of alignment of a pose and yogic philosophy.
Since I couldn't see in the first two days, I had to listen and feel a lot more than usual, and I was enabled to reflect.
You will hear what you need to hear if you allow yourself to hear it. When you hear it, pay attention.
I kept thinking about this dance with Lakshmi, Saraswati, Kali, the three Hindu goddesses who hold the truth to all things.
On the scale of discernment, if Lakshmi represents saying YES to all, then Kali is the embodiment of saying NO unconditionally. Saraswati, in this case, is the available information that helps us land on the spot that's supposed to be the most sensible. We all know, there's the truth, the REAL truth and everything in between.
Let's begin with the extreme scenarios. The dance with only Lakshmi and Saraswati is simple. No matter what (mis)information is presented, everything is a blessing, forgiven, wonderful, fine, no big deal, beautiful and shiny. By contrast, the dance with only Kali and Saraswati is complete annihilation and total rejection. All doors and windows are shut. Nothing comes in or goes out. Everything is dissolved. Now just imagine how ridiculous and unpredictable the dance would be with just Lakshmi and Kali. It's all pure emotions with no information.
The dance with the three goddesses is a delicate act; an act that I thought I managed to balance. I was wrong.
I started this blog mostly because the dance with Lakshmi and Saraswati had taken the stage for far too long. Many rushed to the kool-aid fountain and could not wait to dance the happy dance. So I deliberately introduced Kali to the stage and let her dance the dance of rage. The power of Kali can be dangerously delicious, especially to those who have repressed anger and to those who feel the need to be a vigilante. Burn, baby, burn!
"Discernment" becomes too discerning, and turns into Kali who rejects and annihilates all.
Never have I ever thought that I would construct an unfriendly and rejecting platform. That's what my parents gave me when I grew up. You know... I was always too stupid, too short, too ugly, too fat... Kali was cutting me with her swords.
That's the last thing I want to become: my parents.
As mentioned, Kali's power can be dangerously delicious and overpowering... likewise, Lakshmi is very sweet and mesmerizing. But there is not one "right" way, may it be a yoga pose or life in general.
This dance takes all three goddesses.
More to follow.