Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Insecurity is the new stem cell (Part 1)

There are these bitches at work.

I find them boring, shallow, useless, self-absorbed and nasty looking, but otherwise relatively harmless. Naturally I have never been in any social outing, team building activity or discussion about yeast infection with any of them. In fact, other than the absolutely unavoidable heavy exhale, which is meant to sound like "hhhhhhhhhello", or the gentle twitch on my lips that supposedly acts as a smile, I stay as far away as possible. I have never said, "the only thing you can do better than me is growing a moustache", nor have I invited them over to my home for a cup of tea. Things were peaceful, or so I thought.

All the courtesy acts turned out to be futile. They hate me, because apparently they think that I hate them. The truth is, I don't care for them one way or another, so I choose not to engage them in any way unless it's absolutely vital. You see, these women are extremely insecure about their looks, abilities, tastes, you name it. To them, any lack of acknowledgement or approval to their *anything* means instant war. Basically, according to them, I'm an asshole because I don't interact with them. My bad.

Insecurity is the primal basic instinct in all of us that is all about survival. Yes, I fully recognize the reference to a certain movie. This has nothing to do with uncrossing and crossing your legs while going commando, but I digress... The feeling of vulnerability, or something is lacking, I think, is meant to keep us on our toes and act on the source of a potential threat. Much like stem cells, insecurity in itself is raw, undefined and has all kinds of possibilities. It can take on many different forms and that's where things get interesting.

Those women from work are a classic case of insecurity turns bitch. My lack of interaction with them is somehow a sign of hostility, which triggers a chain reaction that is often comical. And I don't even have to do a thing. Passive, aggressive, and passive aggressive approaches have all been used. They are again hilarious, but I'll save them for another blog. Anyway, my apathy towards them was apparently not acceptable, so they escalated their attack.

For example, it's well known in my office that I am passionate about yoga. One day I went to the kitchen area to get some coffee. By default, the coffee wasn't ready, and of course two of those bitches were also there waiting for the coffee. They switched the topic from "Prince's concert in Calgary" to yoga as soon as I arrived. I made eye contact and nodded, which was naturally ignored by them. One of them (this is not a joke) proceeded to demonstrate the "triangle" pose to the other, which really was parsvakonasana with her bottom arm on her front thigh.

To all of my yogi friends out there, you must realize how hard it was for me not to comment or laugh. But thank Ganesha, the coffee was ready and off I went.

Nature repeats itself, naturally. Same setting at the coffee area, but this time Ms. yoga expert expressed her excitement about the "potential" opportunity to "train" with Sri Pattabhi Jois, but would likely have to decline because of her other commitments. Ms. yoga expert then suddenly turned to me and asked if I ever studied with Sri Pattabhi Jois.

"Pattabhi Jois? No."
"That's too bad. I learned so much from him last year."
"Last year?"
"Yes, it was amazing and I learned so much in Mysore."
"Pattabhi Jois passed away in 2009."

Quite possibly that was when Ms. yoga expert and her gang silently declared war on me.

This is what I call the bitch mode of insecurity. Some people who are so insecure and uncertain about themselves, they feel the need to be acknowledged and praised by everyone. In some cases, such as Ms. yoga expert and her gang, apathy is interpreted as personal attack. It's beyond their comprehension that when someone doesn't care one way or another, it is simply just that. There is no interest, no criticism, no personal attack, and definitely no need to go that extra mile to prove anything.

It's also worth mentioning the extreme bitch mode of insecurity, which is bullying. But that's a whole different conversation.

Insecurity is truly facinating. It is in all of us. Its manifestations are so diverse and it can greatly affect ourselves and everyone around us. The challenge is to use it to our advantage and not let it run our lives.

I'll close the blog with this: don't be a bitch for the wrong reasons.

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